Loneliness and Help

I know a guy who wanted to meet a certain author and had been telling people for months about his desire. He wanted to discuss with this author the ideas written about in the author’s books. After telling a bunch of people this, he finally tells someone who goes, “Oh, I know him. Want me to put you in touch?”

There is power in telling people you want something. People will either ignore your wish or help you out. If they ignore you, no big deal. Nothing changes. The only way you can get help with something is to ask for help. Sure, on a rare occasion, someone will randomly ask you if you want help. However, I find that, when I am in a store, I only get asked for help when I do not need help. When I want someone to ask if they can help me, they never do.

There is no shame in asking for help, but we as humans have an aversion to seeming like a burden. At least, I know I do. Life is weird. We cannot read people’s minds or know the intimate details of their lives. We fear rejection or seeming desperate. We live in a lift-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps society. Seeking help is seen as a weakness. But, here is the thing, though: Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is what we were meant to do. Human beings are social creatures. We were made for community. Yet, we do weird things to avoid asking for help, like writing for three paragraphs before getting to the meat of what this blog post is supposed to be about.

This blog post is about me asking for help. I feel stuck and need help. Hopefully, I receive help that is actually helpful. I do not need unhelpful help or generic help. I need specific advice or introductions to find the right people who can help. Yes, people. This introvert wants to connect with people.

Do I have friends? Yes, I have friends, but a lot of them are married and are reproducing. This means they do not have the time to spend with me like they once did. That is totally fine, and I do not want them to spend a small fortune on babysitters to ensure they spend a bunch of time with me. I want my friends making memories with their children.

I get it. Life gets busy, and priorities change. But, I must say that life is hard when you are single and in your thirties. Friends are hard to come by. I need community. I need activity. My life is lonesome. I am a solopreneur. I work alone, and the people I do interact with are virtual. I like working from home, running my own business, and setting my own schedule. However, it leads to isolation.

I never know what to do with myself when I have free time. I spend time alone most evenings. I want to be doing things, but I do not know what to do. My one activity is to drive an hour to improv practice once a week. I seek connection and community, and my lifestyle is not supporting that. I yearn to break free from the pattern of staying home alone.

Despite my desire, I cannot seem to find an activity that helps those over thirty have community and connection. It seems people who want community and connection are in their early twenties, fresh out of college and enduring the unique challenge of learning to adult. I have nothing against twentysomethings; I just feel old when I am with people in thiner early twenties. I want connection with people who get where I am in life. I want to connect with other people, but finding people is not easy. So, in the spirit of the man I mentioned in the opening paragraph, I am putting this out there: I want connection and activity. I do not want to spend my time home alone.

If you have specific advice or know of a person or persons in the Sioux Falls, SD area who seek the same thing, let me know. Do not tell me to “join a group.” Be specific. Point out a specific group I could join. Do not tell me to just talk to people. Introduce me to someone who wants what I want or has similar interests. Do not try to connect me with your nephew or cousin in another state. I do a lot of Zoom meetings in my work. I do not want that for my free time. Like I said above, I want connection. I want activity.

If there is anything I have learned in my first 10 months or so of being in my thirties (and in the years of my late twenties), it’s that life is not handed to you. Working hard is essential. I try to work hard and play hard, but playing hard is difficult when you have few people with whom to do activities.

So, I ask you: Can you help?